Lady’s Gooses

In honor of Truman Capote vs. The Swans, I decided that I have a selection of women myself. Who I do not admire but feels like their time is up. Spoiler alert there will be a Kardashian, and this is a diverse list.

Dorit “Dorito with a South African accent” Kemsley: When Dorit first enter the Housewives realm, I did not like her because one how is you a Jewish woman from the Midwest with a South African accent but then she started to grow on me until they added Garcelle to the cast. It seems like this label whore does not understand how she is coming off as a micro aggressive spoiled brat. For some reason, certain groups of people think that because they are world traveled. That means that they cannot be racist. In the process of arguing why they are not racist; they always conclude that their “help” is black. Not to mention that I think she thinks that Garcelle is the help. Yelling at Garcelle is not going to change the fact that you can never see a black woman as your equal. It also cannot change the fact that you lied about what really happening to you during the robbery. During your storyline, your claims were that they held a gun to your head. The police reports begged to differ. Next to that you are about to leave your husband because his money is not moneying anymore. Your fashion keeps me glued to the screen, but your personality has shown that even though you look good. Your beauty is not on the inside and that people of color are just the help. Nothing more, nothing less.

Just like Dorit, she has made a bad first impression to me and it has actually stuck with her throughout her tenure. The question I have is where do I start? Let’s talk about the I am not broke but is broke mentality that she has. I main issue a lot of us black people have is when we get out of the hood. We try to act like we have never been in the hood. Sheree is a good example of someone who is a guttersnipe trying to pretend like she does not know how to clean a gutter. Her whole storyline is almost similar to Dorit’s except Dorit has had a history at fashion week. Sheree went to fashion week one time and never thanked Dwight Eubanks for it. Next to that, you insulted a brand that is actually successful and affordable. By acting like you have never heard of the brand, even though all the girls are wearing this brand. You went from wanting to create couture to creating other skims but still failed to understand why things are not working out. Next to not trying to understand the fashion business, you are so epically failing at realizing you are not that girl anymore. Do not get it twisted, Sheree is bad, but she is not a Falcon wife anymore. Sheree is used to sitting in Suite/Club seats at football games. Now, she cannot even get an invitation to the hottest hole in the wall. I am very sure they only reason why she still has Chateau Sheree is because Bravo is paying her, and she is only dating that guy from that show in Alabama for a short storyline. The truth is Sheree. You could have done a workout video or start a workout channel. I am a firm believer that your brand would do well on YouTube doing health and wellness videos than embarrassing yourself on reality tv. Work with your strengths and stop exploiting your weaknesses.

Tamar “Ms. Dot com” Braxton: The Word on the streets is that you and your sisters are coming back to WE. Congrats are in order one and two, do you still think that you are the star of the family?? Tamar is not likeable, but she is a character that everybody has delt with in their life. She has a way of making you forget that she is “privilege”, and her foolery is well foolery. Now after not only she manages to get to her dream and ruin it for herself because she wanted to still do foolery, but you left your sister’s reality show because you thought you could do better. I got news for you Tamar. If you had stuck with focusing on your craft, you would be doing arena and stadiums instead of R&B throwback tours. Your problem is that you have always thought you were better than your sisters and now your sisters are the ones you have to depend on for a comeback. There is no denying that you have are a very talented woman, but your foolery is overshadowing your greatness. Your most recent foolery has shown me that you cannot make your name hot without having any form of drama. One of them is when you claimed that you were robbed during the falcon’s game. No “ma’am you were not. Whoever robbed you must have had keys to your car because there was no broken glass and two you were seen driving the car afterwards. In Atlanta they take your car, not steal items out of your car and leave the car intact girl. If you are going to fake a scene, make sure you did not ruin the National anthem first. The next drama you have started is the whole Chrisean Rock thing. My question is the same that I have with the whole car broke in is……where is the camera footage from the situation ma’am? We are in the 21st century and during this century cameras are all around us. How come these cameras are nowhere near your set situations? I guest your rhetoric actually work for you because they are bringing back Braxton Family values. Funny because you still do not have your own show.

Saucy Santana: Santanerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, girl have several seats. You are starting to get on my nerves and that is not a good thing. If you do not like women just say that!!!! It is obvious to me that you are still that angry little fat boy who wants to be a woman but you are not. Instead of dealing with your psychological issues, you are deciding to use your little conversations with that idiot Caresha and use it against us. One thing for certain and two things are for sure. The two things are one you are not that girl and two men do not do well being lonely at all. Men may be able to play around but the tragic ending to men playing around is them being a lonely bitter old ass man. You are well on your way to it. You should focus on doing your pork and bean music instead of trying to prove that you are a better choice as a woman. JT had the common sense to focus on her craft. You need to go back. You thought that Diddy gravy train was going to continue for you but the truth of the matter is that it was over before it started one. Breaking up with Zell was a very stupid idea because your ass needs the clout and since you like to tussle with females. I suggest that you go ahead and be a permanent member of the Love and Hip-Hop cast. The thing that gets me is that you think that biological women are jealous of you is also a great delusion of grandeur. You look like a linebacker that plays for the Baltimore Ravens without make up. You know you do not naturally give face, so you pack your make up and draw a small nose on top of your real nose and your real features. Last but not least, the off-color pink powder joke is going to get your ass into deep trouble boo because one pale pink powder does not look good on darker skin tones and two the government is investigating you little that you know. Especially since you thought it was cute to threaten a grown man with sexual assault. I am going to always be on your big back neck until you humble yourself and get back to creating. 😘

Last but not least, Kim Kardashian! I have tried lord knows I have tried to stay off of your neck because you love clout girl. For some reason as soon as I am able to tolerate you, you go and do something stupid. The last thing you just did was stupid. How one did you sit there and let baby girl embarrass herself in front of people, but you decided to do your version of her outfit girl. Kimmie, do you have anyone around you that is a no ma’am man or woman? I am sure that North has some sort of talent but singing is not one of them and for you to let her do the Lion King song is not it. You want your kids to find their gifts but instead because you think that fame equals success. North does have her strength but it is not in singing. whatever North’s gift is, it should be nourish not exploited. Kim you are turning into a baby Kris and I don’t like it at all. I feel like you are starting realize how unpopular you are. That is why you are doing brand deals with the WNBA and the U.S.A Olympic team. Kimmie knows that her time is up and she is trying to make as much money as she can before the clock runs out. This is also why she is getting into law. She knows that she needs a grown career because going to parties is not a grown up thing anymore and needs better clout. Even though her children are going to be stars as well, Kimmie has to stay afloat because she do not want you girls to take her spot.

Last but not least, Mr. Simon “Green card” Guobadia. This is the pettiest person I have ever seen in my life. To be honest with you, he is Porsha’s karma and Porsha is his karma. He turned me off with how he treated Falynn Pina and ever since then, he has proven me right about his character. To all of you Golddiggers out there, stop digging for gold please. It always catches up with you because some men are exactly like Simon Guobadia. All this man do is uses women just to get what he wants by tricking them into thinking he actually is a billionaire African. I blame Phaedra’s ass for this narrative on RHOA, but I also blame Porsha for making this man seems like he was an African prince. This man is a douchebag just like the American men. Be honest and say that you got with Porsha to be on T.V and two admit you are not a billionaire. He is too old to be playing these types of games. Porsha is too but we all saw this ending. All I have to say is that the U.S is focus on taking down Diddy right now but when they are done with Diddy, they are going to get you Simon. THE U.S WILL FINE YOU!!!!!!!